What The Capitol Riots Are Teaching Me

I haven’t posted anything for a few weeks. One reason is because I was sick. I was afraid I might have COVID-19, but thank God that wasn’t the case, and I’ve recovered. The second reason is the emotional and spiritual impact the Capitol riots had on me. As I said in previous blog posts, the attitudes and actions behind the Capitol riots were familiar to me, therefore, it isn’t surprising that I’m facing trauma memories since January 6. Both of these things made it difficult for me to write. I thought about apologizing for not writing, but the trauma memories taught me that isn’t the person I need or want to be, nor is it the example I want to set for the people who follow this blog. When I was actively among the types of people who were involved in the Capitol riots, I had to apologize for other people’s wrongs and/or unfair expectations to keep from being turned against like Mike Pence was turned against for doing what was right. Watching Mike Pence experience that instead of experiencing it myself, for a change, clarified how wrong being treated that way is. I now realize I can continue to choose not to live among those types of people, so I don’t need to use survival mechanisms I learned in the past. Don't get me wrong -- People DO need to apologize when they’ve done something wrong, but it’s not wrong to prioritize and it’s not wrong for your priorities to differ from those of other people who may judge you. My physical, emotional and spiritual health were the recent priority. When I’ve been late with blog posts due to being a family elder care caregiver, emergency medical needs for those I was caring for were the priority. Therefore, I need to compliment myself for continuing to be productive in the face of obstacles instead of apologizing. I realize that some people may decide not to follow my posts if I’m inconsistent, and that’s their right. I continue to fight my obstacles to write as often as I can because of the people my posts help enough that they don't mind being patient. Many of them understand, because they’re facing similar obstacles. On the other hand, I do need to communicate to increase understanding, and that’s what I’m doing with this paragraph. If you’re ever in a similar situation, please realize that communicating to increase understanding is your only responsibility. Every person only owes an apology when they’ve done something wrong, and correctly prioritizing isn’t wrong. It took me a while to understand this, because of the people who reacted badly when I communicated my priorities in the past. As I said earlier, I know how Mike Pence must feel for having a movement turn against him for saying no when that was the right thing to do. Sadly, I had people demand that I put their wants above the needs of elder family members I was a caregiver for. For most of my life, I’ve had people demand that I put their wants above my own needs, which was dangerous due to my own medical history. This spoiled child reaction of not accepting no as an answer is very common in the religious environment of my past, which is an environment that is very supportive of the beliefs that led to the Capitol riots. I now realize their reaction to me saying no is not my responsibility. If someone reacts badly to communicating priorities or limitations, they’re the ones who owe an apology. Facing the trauma memories the Capitol riots triggered helped me understand this. Many of the people involved in the Capitol riots don’t believe in the Coronavirus pandemic or safety precautions such as wearing masks, so it isn’t surprising that I faced many situations where people from similar religious environments thought their wants, which they often said were God’s will, were more important than other people’s medical needs. My father was severely handicapped from child abuse that he received at the hands of people who felt religion meant controlling others rather than improving ourselves. He continued to be productive in the face of great obstacles, supporting his family and making sure we had a better life – and he succeeded with the help of my Mom. He broke the cycle of physical abuse. My mother and he made sure we got an education even though my father was illiterate. Due to his illiteracy, he could only get manual labor jobs. He worked himself to death, according to a doctor, on handicapped legs to support us. He worked that hard, because of our community’s ramifications for not working. Our culture has witnessed a version of those ramifications in our recent and current political environment – rumors/propaganda spread to discredit anyone who is different that can escalate to violence at the extreme end of the spectrum. It’s difficult enough to have the differences of physical limitations in an environment like that without adding the additional ramifications of surrendering to those limitations, even if not surrendering kills you. Those ramifications developed in our community because of the MISUSE of scripture. They taught that the 2 Thessalonians scripture about people who didn’t work not eating applied to everyone, even if they weren’t able to work due to illness, handicaps, age, etc. The dozens of scriptures that instruct Christians to help the poor were ignored to focus on that one scripture that, in reality, was written in a letter from Paul to address an issue specific to the Church in Thessalonica - which is the case with all of Paul’s letters, except Romans. Romans is the only book in the Bible that expresses Paul’s theology instead of addressing an issue in a specific church. I eventually healed enough that I stepped out of our community’s religious expectations and helped my Dad get on disability. Since he couldn’t read or write, my Mom and I went to his appointment to help him fill out paperwork and provide the appropriate documents. His handicaps were so obvious that the Disability Representative left her desk and met us as we entered the building. She helped him walk to her desk and sat him across from her, taking him immediately even though other people were waiting. I think no one complained, because my Dad was so obviously handicapped that the people who were waiting understood. His condition was so severe that he was approved immediately. At that time, Disability law allowed a person to earn up to $800 a month before losing their benefits, so my Dad continued to work just enough to avoid judgment and criticism from our community. That was still too much for him, because one of his doctors told me my Dad worked himself to death. I’m going to share something I normally wouldn’t share, because, in this case, I think it’s appropriate to tell how the traumatic memories that are emerging because of the Capitol riots are effecting me. It’s so hard to tell this story about my father that I’m having a full body physical experience that includes difficulty breathing. As unpleasant as these feelings are, I’m pushing through, because I believe now more than ever that this story needs to be told. It may seem hard to believe that my father faced these types of situations in the United States, but I think most people are aware of the attitude some groups have about people with need. The ridiculous Welfare Queen propaganda that’s been spreading since the 1980’s is one example I think most people are aware of. If people only knew how little a person on welfare receives and the kind of poverty it forces them to live in, they’d know how ridiculous that piece of propaganda is. I’ve worked as a Benefits Bank Coordinator, and I learned enough that I will never tolerate even listening to Welfare Queen propaganda again. Some of the groups who misunderstand need are fighting to end social security that our elderly paid into all of their lives. They’ve also fought to end Medicare and Medicaid. They've fought to end school lunches for needy children. If there’s anyone who doubts it, this type of cruelty was emphasized in a clip I once saw while watching The 700 Club. I’m sharing it in this video that is being reviewed by people who saw it the way I saw it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1impGb4TJTs. I’ve repeatedly been a caregiver for family members in their 80’s, so this video seemed cruel from the moment I saw it. The email the elderly couple sent clearly said they’d been tithing more than 10%; therefore, at MINIMUM he should have told them to cut their tithing back to 10%. A truly Christian response would be to recognize they are ahead in their tithing and recommend they stop – and that advice should be given even if they hadn’t been paying more than 10%. In Luke 11:37-54, Jesus chastised the Pharisees for putting heavy burdens on people’s backs and doing nothing to relieve them, and I see heavy burdens being put on the backs of the elderly couple Pat Robertson was advising. In addition, he should have had someone on his staff find resources for the Aged in their Community and got that information to them. This is the type of mentality a lot, but not all, of my family lived in. My parents and myself would have continued to live in that mentality if I hadn’t devoted a lot of hard work into healing and then helping them with what I learned. Very few people were able to put compassion before their beliefs to understand that continual pain, exhaustion, and over-work combined with PTSD from my father's child abuse needed to be addressed with compassion. Since they weren’t addressed with compassion, he self-medicated and developed behaviors that he got judged for -- but that judgment was easier to handle than what he would have received if he would have been perceived as a non-worker. When I became his caregiver, I made sure he got the help he needed. He stopped self-medicating and his behaviors disappeared. He spent the last few years of his life being the best father that a girl could ever have, because his needs were being addressed without judgment. I assume I’ve developed compassion, because my illnesses have caused me to experience that type of judgment even though I’ve always been productive – actually been more productive than the people judging me since I always accepted the role of family caregiver. I could give many examples, but I’ll give one that’s especially revealing. Although I was sick, I met my commitment to take a non-driving family member to a family wedding. I cried silently during the wedding to avoid drawing attention to myself and left as soon as it was over to go to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, I was placed on a morphine drip to combat fibromyalgia pain that was exacerbating pain in birth defect surgery sites. In addition, my blood sugar was 32 when I arrived. The doctor told me the pain alone was a reason to cry, but the low blood sugar exacerbated the problem because I was trying to function on a severely depleted energy resource. Once I was treated for my two PHYSICAL problems, I was fine. By the time I got home the next morning, rumors were already spreading that I’d been crying because I was crazy even though I’d told everyone I was going to the hospital to get physical needs met before I left. No one checked on me to see if I was okay. Instead, they left me to handle my situation alone while they spread rumors to discredit me. When some of the children in the family grew up, they told me they understood what they’d witnessed during their childhood years. They said people had repeatedly tried to discredit me due to what I could reveal about the people spreading those rumors if I seemed credible. I remembered that since the Capitol riots as well, because I can see that same dynamic in the situations that led to that riot. In this case, it seems appropriate to admit that I can’t emotionally handle writing anymore; therefore, I need to end this blog post. I will end by saying that the Capitol riots have caused the trauma memories I’m experiencing to emerge, because the religious environment this happened to me in is the same environment that is the base for the religious politicians who supported the Capitol riots. Although it’s branched out, I strongly believe the root of all of the movements involved in those riots started with what Frank Schaeffer, a previous evangelical leader, states they are in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeMRrsSL0pU. I believe that, because I was still involved in the radical movement he's speaking about when his father’s book, “Christian Manifesto,” was released. I remember what was preached from the pulpit as a result of that book. I remember being told how Christians must vote to position us for their plans. I’ve watched what he discusses in this video emerging for decades, so what he is saying is very believable to me. Due to this, I’m scared and I’m tired. So, for now, I need to end this blog post and will write more at a future date.